Diane just wanted to be left alone. Alone to think, she would have insisted, but in reality, Diane wanted to be left alone so wouldn’t have to think. Diagnosed with breast cancer, Diane felt a shock so profoundly terrifying that she refused to allow herself any emotions at all. She feared becoming overwhelmed and unable to go on with her daily life, so she stopped talking to everyone, even her husband, Roy.
In fact, Diane waited two days after she received her diagnosis to tell her husband anything at all. Like any Freezer, she told herself that she would be fine as long as she didn’t allow herself to dwell on how she felt. Pretend it’s not there, she thought, and maybe it will just go away.
This strategy seemed to be working, at least until Diane had her second treatment. Diane came home, lay down, and couldn’t get back up. When Roy came home from work that evening, he found her still in bed, sound asleep. It was then that he knew Diane wasn’t coming clean about how she really felt, and what was really going on.
Like many Freezers, Diane was rescued by a loved one who was willing to step in. He encouraged Diane to talk to him about how she was feeling. She continued to insist that she didn’t want to worry him and that she would be fine.
Frustrated, Roy made a bargain with her. He would stop nagging her if she would talk to a counselor. Diane began our conversation like this: “I really don’t need to be here. I am having a few side effects from my chemotherapy but that’s normal. I’ve never been one to sit around and whine.”
It was clear to me that “a few side effects” was an understatement. I suspected that not only was she not communicating with her husband, but that she was also not talking to her physician, let alone being frank with herself. I gently encouraged Diane to talk about her diagnosis, to express any concerns or fears that it may have raised.
I was able to persuade her to come back the next week on the day that would be preceding her chemotherapy appointment. During that session, we talked about what kinds of fears “people with cancer” might be experiencing. In this way, we could open a dialogue without making Diane feel like the target.
Gradually, we eased into talking about her own fears. When she was ready, and with enough gentle encouragement, they tumbled out, one after the other. She was afraid of being disfigured by the chemotherapy, and too debilitated to ever regain her energy again. Most of all, she was afraid of becoming a burden to her husband.
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